Friday 13 April 2012

MOVING DAY!!

MOVING DAY!!

This blog is going to be moving shortly. I have amalgamated it with my Youtube account

Stay tuned for more info!

Friday 6 April 2012

Potty Training Fun

          Well, today is the day. The beginning of potty training Master C.
He is 20 months and 6 days old.
Many people have said that he's too young, but I want to give it a shot. He tells me when he's done a poo sometimes, but he always tells me whether he has or not if I ask. So we're going nappy-free other than at night now. Once Madd's back at school, he'll probably go back into a nappy for school pickup, because it's impossible to change a toddler's wet pants while waiting for Miss M to finish school.

          We have today, tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. That's 4 full days to attempt toilet training. We are out on Wednesday at a friend's place, and it's a long drive to get there and back. It's also someone else's house, so I'll probably be putting him in nappies that day. Depends on how successful the next 4 days are.

          I'm putting him on the potty every so often, but mostly letting him walk around naked so that he can see and feel when he wees. I'm not expecting it to happen overnight, I'm not expecting him to be accident-free in a few days. But I hope that he'll at least be able to go to the potty by himself at the end of these few days. Or at the very least, sit on the potty AFTER  he's done wees. That way I'll know that he's got the association between the wees and the potty.

Facebook

I've recently had to "group" my friends on Facebook and put some on a restricted status-update list.
It's a bit of a long story as to why, but I'll try and keep it short.

     My mother HATES Facebook. She doesn't like "laundry being aired"... she doesn't like the "invasion of privacy" it brings. I personally LOVE it, because it allows me to feel like I'm not alone. It allows me to vent, not to get sympathy but so that I can feel less alone. And it allows me to know how other people are doing, what they've been up to, and how they're feeling.
     A few people that are on my Facebook list have been saying things to Mum about my Facebook statuses.
Things like "Oh, it's really changed our opinions of Jen, and what we thought she was like."

     I have depression and anxiety. My mood can change from day to day, week to week... even hour to hour!
I put my personal life on Facebook so that others who don't always see life as a bed of roses don't feel so alone. If people aren't honest about their feelings and struggles, then so many more people feel alone.
It's like keeping suicidal thoughts and depressed thoughts to yourself- There is an organisation called Beyond Blue for a reason - they allow people to seek help.

     Facebook has been a GODSEND for me. It's helped me to connect with people, and to find out how they're doing, and compare notes on parenting techniques, how to stay positive, and (thanks very much to B.A.T. for all the uplifting photos) awesomely uplifting and mood-enhancing photos.

     It also allows me to try and offer support to other people, people like S.J.W. whose son B has High Functioning Autism. He's an amazing kid, and she's an amazing mother to not only him but her other 3 children. She goes through so much on a daily basis, and without Facebook it would be very difficult for me to be the ear and shoulder she sometimes needs. I never feel like I can do enough to support her, but at least with Facebook I can try harder.

     Some people believe it's wrong to post their personal stuff on Facebook for all to see, but I figure that it's a good thing. So what if people know of my struggles and issues? Surely everyone else has their own issues and dramas they'd love to be able to talk about... don't they? If no one else is brave enough to post about their personal lives, I definitely can.

     There are some issues I steer away from, they are just too personal and they involve my children. But most of my life is open for the picking.

    So I've decided that I don't want to stop venting on Facebook. So I've created an "Acquaintance" list on my Facebook - that allows me to update my status only for those whom I trust to not go to my family or parents about it.
     I recently deleted my family off Facebook, which caused a massive uproar within my extended family. So this time, I am not deleting people. So instead, I have created The List. The List of people who don't get to see my status updates, but I can still see theirs.
    Thoughts, anyone?
  

Monday 2 April 2012

WHY I HATE AUTISM

    Yesterday was Autism Awareness Day. It's great that they have a day where people can educate others on autism. It can be easy to pidgeon-hole kids with autism as "bad kids" or "troubled kids"... but the problem is the Autism, not the kid.

     I have several friends whose children have Autism, and adult friends with Autism. Two of them have other problems, such as Severe Intellectual Disability and Isodicentric 15 Syndrome. Some just have plain old Autism, or High Functioning Autism, or Aspergers Syndrome.

     Every day I see or hear of things that the kids with Autism are doing.... hitting out of frustrating, biting out of frustration, head-banging, yelling and screaming, and basically freaking out.

I hate Autism.
Autism affects not only the person with Autism, but their parents and friends and family.
Autism stresses the kid out.... they are angry and hostile and often don't know why.
Autism causes stress to the parents - the mum can feel helpless, and alone.

     Autism sucks. Autism is an asshole. Autism needs to fuck off.
Anyone who doesn't know much about Autism should read up on it. Read the blogs from parents of kids with Autism. Most parents of kids with Autism are strong people - they need to be to help their kids survive in a world they don't always understand. 
Most parents try to stay happy and cheerful, even whilst their child is in the middle of a meltdown.  The alternative is to lose your shit and get angry or upset - which doesn't help them or their kid.

      There should be so much more support for kids with Autism, but there's not. There is a HUGE lack of help. When the child has a meltdown, it is up to the parents to handle it with almost no support. Friends can only do so much - sometimes just the prescence of another person can set the child off into an even worse meltdown.

One of the most common misconception about an autistic meltdown is that it is a common, everyday temper tantrum.  The parent or caregiver is often scorned by members of the public as being unable to control the individual.  It is important to point out that while the physical aggressions associated with autistic escalation and meltdown appears similar to a temper tantrum, the two events are completely different. 

 (borrowed from http://www.autismems.net/57801/82012.html)

I encourage anyone who doesn't know much about Autism to read up on it. Life for parents of kids with Autism sucks. There are awesome days where you are so proud of your kids and how far they've come. Then there's regression when they go majorly backward. Then there's the moving forward again and gaining so much more. Watching your kid play happily and make a friend. Watching them calmly engaging in an activity.

     Life with autism is a rollercoaster. Up, down, up, down - and without proper support, it's worse than it has to be.

If you know someone who has autism, or a parent with a child with autism, SHOW THEM SUPPORT.
Be there for them to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to cheer them up when they need it. Even if you can't always be there in person (whether you're unable or it's going to make things escalate), be there in emotion and support.


    

Tuesday 27 March 2012

Life

    Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted!

Master C is doing well, although I still can't believe he'll be 2 this year in August!
He's gone from walking to running, he can climb very well; throws a few tantrums but nothing major, and he LOVES to eat! Fortunately it includes healthy things like grapes, bananas, apples, pears, vegemite sandwiches on grain bread.... my bubba loves his food.
His vocabulary consists of about 50 words at the moment, including
Mummy, Daddy, Ash (Daddy's name!), Car, Cuck (Truck), Puppy, Barbie, Baby, Pease (Please), "Uh oh" (the current favourite), Wheeee!, Whereisshe? (said VERY often when Miss M is at school!), Uncle, Juice..... and many more.

He has very distinct sounds and actions for yes and no. A short "uh" is yes. A long "uhhh" coupled with a turning-away of the head is no.

Miss M is doing a lot better at school.
Her behaviour is mostly under control, and she is doing well. She has fewer meltdowns, because I'm starting to figure out her triggers and avoid them.
She usually melts down at the restaurant, so we haven't been there for weeks. Today we went there for ice cream, and she was very well behaved and calm.

She was skipping class (yes, my child in Grade 1). She was hiding in the playground at the end of lunch and not going back into class. So something at school seems to be bothering her, because every single morning I get the "I don't wanna go to school!" crap from her. But she's not the sort of kid who just "doesn't want to".... she always has a reason even if it's not yet known.
So we have her at a behavioural optometrist on Friday afternoon, will update you and let you know how she goes.

Having L & S over for dinner tomorrow night, really looking forward to it. L & S are Ash and my "couple-friends"... they're awesome awesome awesome people, very supportive and non-judgmental. I was fortunate to meet them and become friends with them, because they never judge my parenting with Miss M.

I deleted my entire family off Facebook last week. I did it because sometimes it's nice to vent my spleen without having to worry about the "gossip" getting back to my mother... she's not on Facebook, and hates people knowing "dirty laundry", and particularly hates me talking about "personal stuff" on Facebook.

I also made a comment about how I need supportive people around me right now while I"m dealing with Miss M's issues, and made a comment along the lines of

"I hate how some people complain about my kid, and things she does, when they have sooky whiny kids who they think are perfect"..... a family member believed I was talking about his children. Whoops.

I actually wasn't talking about his kids, although in the past they have been sooky and whiny. So have mine. So have most kids in the world! But apparently pointing it out is a "Taboo Subject", one of those many social things that don't quite make sense to me.
Apparently I'm also a hypocrite, because I say bad things about other people's kids but can't handle bad things being said about my kids.

Not true.

I have no problem with people pointing out my kids' flaws in a CONSTRUCTIVE way, but calling Miss M a "bad kid" is incorrect. She's not a bad kid, she has issues that need to be dealt with and I'm doing the best job I can.

I'm aware that I have very little tact. Some would say that I lack tact entirely. But that's always been a quality that has been a blessing rather than a curse. I don't lie, so I will always answer honestly - a trait that most people lack. I'm still learning how to be subtle and use tact. Close friends and good friends of mine understand that it's not something that comes naturally to me, and they understand that.

I'm not sure why my family have overreacted to my deleting them off Facebook. I figured I was under no obligation to have them on Facebook. They're not friends, they are family. I don't dislike them, but I'm also not that close to them. We are very different people.

Was I wrong to delete them off Facebook?
I don't know. 

Monday 5 March 2012

Emotional issue - is my child "normal"?

I'm at my wit's end with Miss M..

This morning she wouldn't let my brother out of the house to go to work (he leaves at 6am, and she kept following him down the drive, and kept doing it every time he'd bring her back inside and tell her she had to stay inside)... and then she stood in front of the door. Being that my brother's not the sharpest tool in the shed (he has learning difficulties, which also affects his maturity and reasoning), he didn't think to wake us up to deal with her, so he ended up being late for work. She's also been going into Master C and my brother's room and waking them up between 4 and 5am every morning for the past few weeks, no matter what we threaten or say.

Her teacher came and spoke to me at the end of school today, her and one of the twins in her class (a boy) were found missing at the start of class after recess... they were found hiding in the playground. They both got in trouble.
The teacher's also realised what I was talking about with Miss M last year, with her behavioural problems. They're coming out at school now instead of just at home.

My mums answer to this is that I should ease up on her at home, and stop being so strict. I don't see how that can work, because there's just so much silly stuff she does, like running from each end of the house to the other end and hitting the wall, and then going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth - or not sharing with her brother when the toys they're playing with are HIS, and not going to bed on time, blah blah blah. Usual kid stuff, but she fights me at every turn.

Her teacher is now seeing the misbehaving, not concentrating, not sitting still, not listening, and being defiant. It's kinda nice, because she can now see what I was talking about and that it wasn't all in my head. But on the flipside, it means it's NOT just me and there's something wrong with her.

Her teacher is going to find out what they can do about getting a behavioural specialist to come into the school and help her, or see if we have to go out of school hours or whatever.
It's been a rather stressful day, and I had to miss night class tonight because I couldn't leave her with my brother. I just didn't trust her to behave and not give him a hard time.

So... yeah. that's been my day in a nutshell. It's been a good one... not.

So after teachers and other parents telling me that my kid is either "naughty", "a bad kid" (yes, she's been called that by other parents before), or "a typical 6 year old" (she's a lot more extreme than that), it seems like someone in authority is finally seeing what I see every day.

Wednesday 29 February 2012

Been too long - time for an update!

   So... what's new in the house?
I brought home a bar about a month ago, decided to do it up for Ash, since he's always wanted a bar.

WHAT WE FOUND ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD













AFTER WE BROUGHT IT HOME AND FIXED IT UP A LITTLE



















So that kept my brother and I busy.
He is currently staying with us - I can tell you, it's pretty interesting having 3 adults a school kid and a toddler all in the one small 3 bedroom unit.
He is currently sharing a room with Master C.

Ash is FINALLY getting some driving lessons! At 33, he's finally doing it. I look forward to him getting his licence and getting a second car. Yay!

We're planning a trip to Tasmania when Ash gets holidays in Winter. We're hoping to go for ten days. I've never been to Tassie, but Ash has. He has family over there. I'm really looking forward to ten days away with no distractions - this will only be our second holiday as a family. Can't WAIT! July can't come soon enough!

Trying to work out how to convince Ash that we need a second car. We can either get a small crappy A to B car, or we can get a cheap-ish people mover for ME to drive and he can have the current Commodore.
I'd rather get the people-mover because it will last us long-term. It's incredibly hard to get 3 car seats across the back of the car, and with planning for another child it's time we thought ahead.

     Ash took over handling our bills and income about a month ago. I'm wishing he'd stepped up to the plate and done it a few YEARS ago, - we'd have a house by now! We have savings, and all our bills are paid, we even have spare money! He should have given me an "allowance" years ago, we'd have been much better off  financially!

    Certificate IV in Disability is going well, not much more I can say on that. I have a friend, T, who's son E has multiple disabilities. She has very nicely helped me with my first assignment. The other people in my class are quite nice - Most of them are currently working in the field, but there's one guy who is currently working in the Ice Cream machinery field! Quite a change for him. We are the "newbies" - I have previously worked in the field, but not long enough to feel like I know everything about it. So I have a lot to learn too.

     Miss M is having a lot of "behavioural issues", which are getting worse over time.
So I'm going to try T's approach of not yelling at all. Being calm, and confident. It's better than what I'm doing now, which is trying to figure something out on my own.

   Anyways, enough of an update for now, will write another blog soon!

In the meantime, contact me on Facebook or email me @   jenna_cooksley@yahoo.com.au  to request a topic for discussion