Post Christmas Relaxation

    It's 4 days after Christmas, and I should be relaxed. Instead I'm dreading all the housework I have to do before tomorrow night. Because it's Miss M's 6th birthday.
She's currently glued to the TV, which is where she's spent most of the day. She's still recovering from Christmas. She's been well-behaved today, but she really is exhausted. I figured a day in front of the TV would do her good.

I was reading a blog today.

http://flappinessis.com



It's written by a mum with a child named Callum who has autism/is autistic.
I read a particular blog about frustrations with people who stare when their child is having a meltdown.
In my case, I am one of those starers. Not because I am judging the mother, or the child. But because I desperately want to help them both, but have NO idea how to go about it.

Not all those who stare are doing it with judgement. I am one who stares because I study faces. I see every little emotion that passes across people's faces. I study everything - freckles, wrinkles, and fleeting emotions and body language. In my case, I hold eye contact for too long, because I'm so fascinated by how different people's expressions can be.
I often get accused of staring, which can cause a few problems. But I'm not staring to be rude, it's just part of who I am.

I have recently discovered, through long periods of self-analysis and many sessions with a psychologist, that the reason I'm disorganised and chaotic is because that way I am always in a state of discomfort. If I got set into a routine and then that suddenly changed, I would fly off the handle.
I feel things too deeply, I am one of those people in the world who want to help everyone and anyone. And I care WAY too much, which takes its toll on my emotional wellbeing.

I am currently not taking any anti-depressants. After having been on them for months, I decided that I had the necessary tools to cope with any emotions that came my way. So I tentatively went off the Zoloft. I am handling things very well, and I haven't lost my temper at all.
I still get too emotionally attached to people, and still feel the need to help everyone and anyone that I can.
I still have an obsession with Autism, and am learning everything I can about it.
My obsessions at the moment are:
Autism
Bookkeeping
Toilet training
People

I have packed all the kids' toys into ice cream tubs, and have labelled them. I was amazed at how calm I felt while I was doing it. It was very therapeutic.

So I shall sign off for today in a great mood. I am handling life well, and if anyone has any topics they'd like me to write about, feel free to email me or write a note here. I'd love to hear that at least SOMEONE other than me is reading my blog!